It was a glorious day and I forced all the kids to hang out in the backyard as I cleaned up leaves and recovered from winter. There was a lot of complaining in the beginning. It was so boring outside. There was nothing to do. "You can always help me work. " was my constant reply.
Usually, Saturday morning starts with video games. Last week, we were charged up with the conviction of starting Lent. But now, it's been awhile and somehow Saturday doesn't feel quite right without our Saturday morning game time.
It didn't feel quite right for me either. While the kids play video games, Ulrich and I usually take Zander on a run with us and we have breakfast together at the McDonald's around the way where Zander can play on the playground and we can plan the weekend over an egg mcmuffin and a diet coke.
The shinyness of new lenten habits and practices is beginning to wear off and I'm starting to feel the rub. No scrolling social media while I'm waiting for kids. No emotional headlines to get me going. No diet coke buzz. No picking up treats or scrolling Amazon to decide this or that.
There is a lot of micro space that all my low key addictions, rituals and habits once filled.
I have to level with myself. The dopamine I got throughout the day from these activities felt good and life now feels a little lack luster.
But the day was sunny and I spent the day in the garden. I'm not done but I put a big dent in cleaning up and I started planting. The season of watching things grow is starting and my heart feels happy at the arrival of new shoots and blossoms on my trees.
It isn't easy to let go of things even when we are letting go to move to better things. I let my kids be uncomfortable in the backyard until they remembered games they used to play in the backyard. I let myself be uncomfortable with the gaps in my life as God opens me to new habits that will serve me better.
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