Day 40: Freedom

 I braced myself for another hard day. 

For Holy Week I've decided to do a fast until the evening meal.  It's been a daily micro-walk through the passion story. Remembering the passion when I'm hungry or uncomfortable and Easter when I'm tasting the feast at the end of the day.  

Yesterday was hard. I was still having caffiene withdrawal and I haven't done a long fast in a while so my body was not ready.  I was nauseous by like 2pm and clawed my way to the end of the day.  But everything was better with pizza.  

So, this morning,  I braced myself for today.  The hardness of it gave me all the more resolve that it was a good practice even if it meant I didn't get a lot done this week. 

I went about my morning. Drinking my water at McDonald's while the boys had breakfast. I chuckled looking at the cup lid.  Like God was telling me something.

I came home and helped the boys with school and cleaned. I went for a short run.  We picked up Zander and went for a walk,  then we went to the church to stuff candy into Easter eggs. I chuckled again looking at little bag of dark chocolates.  

Then I realized, it was 1pm and I didn't have a headache yet.  Not did I really feel that hungry. Interesting.  But afternoon was coming.  Zander was sure to melt down in the midst of a sudden onset of discomfort.... I was sure of it.

I dropped Eddie off to the gym and Andrew off to bell practice.  They both had scooters and would bring themselves home in an hour and a half.  For now,  it was just me and Zander.  

Zander was hungry so I made him a plate of grapes and chicken nuggets. I vowed that I would be eating chicken nuggets this week or other crap food. If I'm going to eat,  it has to be at least semi resurrection worthy.  It has to make my heart smile to eat it.  

Eddie and Andrew showed up on time and Ulrich came 20 minutes later while Zander and I were building an epic train track.  

I left to pickup miles and Philip from school.  We often go to McDonald's for homework.  It's easier to focus there for miles.  So we got a snack and the two boys went to work.  I pulled out my calendar and started working on hourly plans for the rest of the week. 

As I calendared, it dawned on me. It was 4pm. No hunger.  No headache. 

Maybe I've done it.  Maybe I'm free from the caffiene withdrawal.  

The verse popped into my head "if the son sets you free,  then you shall be free indeed. "

It was a tiny moment of freedom. I felt fine.  Normal. I wasn't in pain or hunger. I didn't feel brain fog.  

I came home to dinner cooking. I expected the scent to bring on the hunger but it never came. When it was time to eat,  I ate and when I finished,  I felt the same. The food was good and I was content but my body didn't feel full,  it just felt done eating. 

"They shall not hunger anymore,  nor shall they thirst."

To be born into the resurrection I think may be an experience of freedom that we could scarce imagine.  A physical, biological existence but one free from the limitations - able, pain free,  addiction free, hunger free,  groggy free, stress free, free from exhaustion. 

Perhaps this is why they didn't recognize Jesus. He was free and he is calling us into that freedom.