Several years ago my body was a mess. I was over-weight and beginning down a path towards chronic disease. My internal signals were confused. Fatigue and stress felt like hunger. A need for activity felt like exhaustion. There was a negative feedback loop that continued to spiral me away from health. The things that made me feel better actually worsened my condition.
To turn this around, I had to push myself to suffer. I had to start really dieting which felt like starvation. I had to start exercising. My first runs made me throw up. It was a hard uphill climb. But I was determined to take back my health. As my new healthy habits became ingrained in me, I found myself awakening to my physical self. I became aware of my body's needs. I felt alive. I felt like a freshly watered plant reaching towards the sun's warm rays. When I ate junk food, it made me feel bad. When I didn't exercise I felt atrophy.
Lately I've had conversations that made me realize that our spiritual health is similar. Years of poor living. Of ignoring faith or the larger questions lead to a deadening of the soul and a misinterpretation of it's yearnings. Deep cries for purpose or a connection to something deeper mistaken for a need for more stuff or to control things.
An invitation to begin wrestling with faith can be like the first workout after a long time. Opening up to the deeper questions can create anxiety, crisis or disillusion. But, as with our physical health, once we journey down the path a while our faith feeds us and builds in us a deeper awareness of life around us. We find gratitude for the simple things, sacredness in the ordinary and a deep acceptance and trust in that bigger something in the universe that allows us to let go and wonder at the beauty of life.
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