Day 3: What's less and what's more?

The ambiguity of this Lent has thrown me off a little.

Usually, I start to struggle ever so slightly about what I've given up. But, I hold the line. I gave up X, so I'm not doing X.

Last night I had a raging migraine. Should I drink some caffeine today to help prevent another headache? Or should I suffer through and suck it up to Lent?

Miles and Philip don't eat much protein beyond plain hamburger patties from McDonalds. They haven't had much the past few days, should we go so I can make sure they get at least a little protein this week? Or should I make bigger efforts at home to get them to each new sources of protein and call that part of my lenten discipline?

Are there opportunities to be less wasteful, to be more in touch with my spiritual self than I've already thought about?

I decided yes to caffeine and McDonalds but it was less caffeine and pushing new forms of protein at home is an ongoing process that I need to be patient with. So, I didn't drop them, but I did less. I also looked for ways to more -- I pulled out the cloth diapers and spent good quality time with each of the boys today.

Throughout the day, I also thought deeply about how I might revamp my parenting style to be more reflective of God's manner towards me. Part of this Lent is trying to let go of what culture teaches and embrace a Gospel-infused life. So how does the Good News inform my parenting? How does society teach us to parent and what should I do less of and more of in this sphere? 

As much as I've grown as a mother, I know there is still yet more work to do. I got a lot of cheap tricks that are really effective but there is a deeper patience, freedom, grace and nudging that I still need to learn. I've grown a ton in the 11 years I've been blessed to know my kids. Pulled from different schools of thought, incorporated a bunch of different techniques from various therapies. But, what about the Gospel? 

How does God, Jesus's father, come through as a parent?

I think the biggest contrast I can condemn myself with is that I still hold my power over my children. I am bigger. I am in charge. Because I said....and if you don't agree or listen or do what I tell you, you will lose and if you listen and do what I want, then you will win.  Of course, there is more to my parenting than this but I do not yet have the ability to set my power aside and still parent the way I see God the father reflected in the Gospels. And so today, my meditation was on this -- how do I do that? How do I become the parent that sets aside infinite power and still find ways to sculpt and shape these young lives?