Day 39: good good gifts

 

Our unplanned spring break has resulted in a Harry Potter marathon.  It's our fourth time through the series.  We've been listening to the book all day and then watching the movie at night... which,  as we are getting to later books will not be possible.  

Zander is still a bit under the weather.  He has been spending long swatches of the day snuggling into me. His small body is a perfect Teddy bear.  

Tonight as we were finishing movie 3, I sent the boys off to bed while I finished cradling Zander to sleep. The only sound was his slightly wheeze little breathes.  His warm body wrapped around me,  warm and soft in his little footy pajamas.  

I thought about all the possibilities and how many life paths could have existed without him in it.  He could have never been.  

I held him tighter. My heart enfolded in gratitude.  How could my life not have him in it?

As much as I struggle with my inability to understand how to solve this world's pain,  I could never have guessed that motherhood would complete me the way it has.  I couldn't have guessed that I would love like this. And I definitely wouldn't have predicted that a 5th baby boy would make my world so complete. 

In faith,  I continue to learn to open my heart to what comes and let myself be grown and shaped by it. 

This beautiful wonderful 2 year old light is such a precious gift from God. I am so grateful for him.