Advent - Week 1 - Hope or....morning sickness

I follow a writer / artist named Scott the Painter on Instagram. He wrote a book called Honest Advent that really grounds the incarnation in the human experience of pregnancy, labor, birth and caring for an infant. I really appreciate this raw peek into spirituality in this season that tends to be highly polished. It's like we take social media filters and apply them to a picture of the birth of baby Jesus a glow to soften and safen the incarnation of God among us. 

Advent has culturally become a time to look at lights twinkle and build memories with our families. To frantically hop from one event to another and build a list of all the things to do and to get done. When I was a girl, I was taught it was a time to prepare for baby Jesus. Like cleaning our house, we clean up to be ready and worthy of our savior who will gift us with his presence. I don't think there is anything wrong with any of this but as I've gotten older, I've realized Advent is so much more when you scrub past the shiny veneer. 

A weary world rejoices. 

Advent is a weary time. A pregnant time. A dark time. 

The longest night happens just before Christmas. 

And so... in this first week of Advent we light the candle of hope. 

In the midst of war in our world. In the midst of a creation that is groaning under the weight of our endless consumption. In the midst of the "little problems" that happen in our own lives that can make us feel trapped, alone or sorrowful. In this darkness we light a candle and name it hope. 

Hope that God will come and dwell among us.

And this is where I appreciate so deeply the mediations on pregnancy and birth that Scott the Painter writes about. Because Mary, the first to experience the incarnation of God among us, experienced it as morning sickness.

Could we not also feel spirit of God as a bought of nausea?

I have.

Letting go of who I wanted to be, to embrace the life God has given me comes with a certain amount of churning in the pit of my stomach. In fact, almost any time I've prayed for wisdom and found a conviction in my heart on a direction, that conviction has been accompanied by some feeling deep in my soul that could best be described as morning sickness. A battle between my will and Gods. A churning of fear, uncertainty, longing, joy, hope and conviction that get all mixed up inside me that feels uncannily like those early days of pregnancy. A miracle has happened and yet all I can do is lay on the floor of my shower and wait for it to grow inside me. 

May peace be with you in this season of Advent and may the holy presence of God dwell near you -- be it a serene peace in a quiet night or the churning deep in the pit of your stomach as you choose hope in a dark moment. Christ is coming.