Day 1: Who we are and why are we here?

A few weeks ago, my pastor gave a thought provoking sermon on the questions that serve as a central paradigm for our lives.

Who am I?
What am I to do with my life?

We all look to understand our place in this world. The meaning of our lives. Our greater purpose.

Some of us dive first into identity. If we can know who we are, from there we can figure out our purpose. Others of us start with purpose. If we can figure out what we can do in the world, it will define who we are and how we belong.

I've been thinking about this a lot coming into Lent this year. I've always been a "what can I do?" person. If I can do things, I can be helpful. If I can be helpful, then my life has meaning. And so I am always re-evaluating my priorities and trying to build in more and more ways to do.

But life, the past several years, has pushed back against that. Kids with special needs, a demanding job and health issues have pushed me to reduce.

Do less.
Be content with where I was.

It has been hard for me. I have the urge deep in to more. I've had to accept who I was and where I was and let go of all the hopes for what I wanted to do.

This lesson in humility has aligned well with the message of Lent -

I am dust, to dust I shall return. All we do is dust. 

Eventually, I found peace in this. To accept that all things fall away. All the castles we build. Everything is just temporary. I don't have to do anything. I actually can't make a real, permanent difference anyways.

And yet, in faith, even in this temporary nature of life, there is meaning. All of who we are and what we do is held in God's hands...and in this our lives have meaning and purpose. Just as I am, just where I am. I belong to God and I matter.

It took many lents for this to sink in.

But this year, as Lent came around, I felt space in my life and a different focus for my meditation.

I have felt slowly, slowly that life doesn't need to be quite so small anymore. There is more energy, more time and more of my heart available to give more to the world. And though I have learned to be content with trimming and letting go. All things have a season, and in this one I am excited because I feel new energy and changing of the seasons in life.

I feel called to new and different things. And if I dared again to ask the question -- what can I do?
I may be surprised by where it leads me.

In contemplating this, I've realized the world has changed a lot. The problems we face as humans are in some ways the same problems we faced 10, 20, 100 and 1,000 years ago and in some ways they are completely different. I feel compelled to re-learn and re-examine the way I look at the world. To put on eyes that are fresh and see things for the first time, the way my kids are.

What captures my heart?
What evokes movement in my soul?
Where can I do?
Where can I meet the pain and suffering, marginalized and broken parts of our world?

Usually, during Lent, I close myself off to impulsive decision making. I allow myself to sit and reflect the 40 days and reserve the season of Easter to allow changes and new direction to come into my life. But this year, I feel called to do the opposite. To turn and follow Jesus, if I happen to meet him walking down the road. This year, I will let faith be bold in me.