Lent Day 43: Condenmed

The words from the cross condemned me today. So deeply did I wrestle with them....

"Today you will be with me in paradise."
"Mother, your son."

In the midst of deepest agony Christ lived his final breaths with compassion. I have been meditating on this and today I struggled hard.

It's Holy Week. It's busy. I led a workout class and had music practice last night, lead a seder tomorrow, support Good Friday worship on Friday, coordinate a wedding on Saturday and celebrate Easter on Sunday.... and I'm pregnant, emotionally drained and tired. It's a lot, but its a very far cry from the cross. In that perspective I can hardly say the week is hard. It is full. Full of optional things I'm choosing.

Yet, I somehow feel that my busyness enables me to tune out requests for compassion. Every interruption today felt overwhelming. And each time I felt the urge to blow up, I heard the voice of Jesus speaking those words. Like Peter, I am ashamed. I failed my Lord. Perhaps, I can hope, like Peter, he will send the Spirit to embolden and lift me up to the challenges of discipleship.

Lent Day 42: Rhythm

I bought my drum today. It is a beautiful, hand-carved piece from West Africa with very real leather (can still feel hairs poking out of it). It has an amazingly large sound. I took it to the sanctuary and played it as loud as I could in the empty hallows. The sound resonated. Filling the space. I imagined worship. Ulrich read the 22 psalm as I drummed. For a moment we were with Jesus. Other musicians joined practice. Violin, Viola, Clarinet, Flute, Bass, Guitar... voices. We brought our gifts and a willingness to offer them for worship. What came together chilled me.

In that dark sanctuary, I traveled with Jesus. Even during practice. We journeyed through the cross. The love, the passion, the pain, the forgiveness, the abandonment, the letting go... So often, we watch the passion from the outside. We watch Jesus take on the weight of the world and we recognize his sacrifice.

This year, the walk seems more intimate. Rather than watching from the gates. Hearing the crowd. Following him down the street. I am listening to the words he spoke. Peering into his heart and discerning his teaching for my own walk.

Lent Day 41: Creativity

As I prepared my to-do list for the week I was struck by how different my tasks are from normal - paint a picture for friends wedding bulletin, buy drum and practice for Good Friday, email family regarding Passover Seder. Art, music, literature, liturgy, prayer, reflection are things that I rarely have the joy of finding time for in a life so dominated by rational planning and dutiful responsibility.

Letting myself venture to the creative half of my brain. Reflecting on meaning. Re-creating meaning around me in worship, words and art opens me to hear the quiet voice of God. A new revealing of the stories that touch this week. A new understanding of God in us and among us. A break from human paradigms to allow the spiritual to permeate my inner being.

My prayers reach out to everyone this Holy Week, that you may find a new way to connect to God and to the spiritual journey you have been called to. To the clergy and spiritual leaders, that your words and thoughts be lifted and inspired as you minister this week.

Shalom. shalom.

Lent Day 40: Walking with Jesus

Throughout Lent, our church has focused on various spiritual disciplines that Christians have used through the centuries. Today, as we celebrated Palm Sunday, we did it through the lens of the spiritual practice of using Labyrinths. Allowing your prayers to be focused by purposeful movement. The pastor had us stand up and walk slowly around the pews as we sang meditative hymns and listened to the passion story.

I nearly closed my eyes and dragged my feet as we drugged up and down the aisles. I listened to the story, looking at the cement floor below. I could feel myself walking the dusty Jerusalem roads. I could hear the sounds. I could imagine Jesus under the weight of the cross as he climbed the hill. I was, for a brief moment, with him.

And... Jesus was with me. 

Holy Week begins. The sacred journey.